so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
