I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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