hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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