It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
