I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
