Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
