Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
