All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
