who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
