I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
