DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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