Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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