pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
worst night to have a conscience
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
