I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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