i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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