Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
