dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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