I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
