you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
