I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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