Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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