do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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