I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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