wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
