Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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