wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
