Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
