I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
