i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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