It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
God, I missed his penis.
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