That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
