i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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