i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
