Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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