Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
