I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
