Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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