he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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