ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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