so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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