Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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