eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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