the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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