i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
