The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
