I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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