Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
