So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
