I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
