i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
