Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
