can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
