Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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