please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
