I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
