plz talk dirty to me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
