we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
