You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
