Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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