So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
