Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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