The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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