Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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