I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
