Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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