i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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