so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this boner is exhausting
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
