You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
