Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
