Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
